Monday, May 23, 2011

Life as It Is

It's been ages since i post an entry. Despite the busyness and hectics of working, the tensions which was building inside me were looking some way out of my body to release most of it so i would feel more alive than like a dead woman who's still breathing with no passion, no feeling except hatred and anger every seconds that pass by. I'm exaggerated. yes, i know. and yet, who cares? I did.

Who said being a teacher is EASY? Dare one said to me and i'll tell hundred of reasons why one WRONG. Being a teacher is one thing. Learning to communicate EFFECTIVELY with EVERY students is one thing. TEACHING EFFECTIVELY is one thing. and the lists goes on. Not including facing the most pain in the ass at school! which is many of them! Oh Lord, help me. Help me being a reasonable person, teacher, friend, children, counselor and what ever it may takes. I'm over rated. Well, yes. I did. Help me with it.

It is common that we will find so many kind of people in the process of growing up. I am surely still in the process of growing up. I'm only 26. Actually not yet. At least not until August. But, who cares? I know, I did. I'm almost 26 and yet, I still have problems to manage my stress, most of the time. Sometimes I hate me. I hate it when i couldn't managed the stress properly.

I also happen to hate myself when i'm trying to be nice to the people who is a real pain in the ass. Deep in my heart I scream with hatred. But sometimes i just can't treat them the way they treated me. I tried to be hard, but sometimes i just don't have the heart to do it. I would say I would but then, there is something, deep, deep inside me would feel pity for that "pain in the ass" until i couldn't do it. I'm melting. because i feel pity for them if i don't help them. Which most of the time they don't feel pity on me.

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